Building balance into your child’s busy schedule
Does your family have enough down time?
As parents stare down the kids’ activities schedule for September, families are reminded to balance out routines with non-structured time.
“Parents often have the view that keeping their children as busy as possible in after-school and weekend activities is the most beneficial,” says Dr. Mark Rothman, Clinical Psychologist for Child & Youth at Medcan. “That perspective overlooks the importance of independent and family time to the child or teen’s long-term growth and development.”
Before you register for a full-on fall lineup, consider these questions:
Does this schedule allow for down time and free time?
Non-structured recreational family time should be considered part of a person’s programming needs, according to Dr. Rothman. In the same way that an athlete requires a rest day after an intense workout to avoid injury, children and teens require down time to internalize the benefits of activities and school. That may mean one or two evenings a week with no scheduled activities.
“Free time is valuable for children and young people to process what they are learning during the day and also to learn how to keep occupied independently,” says Dr. Rothman.
Does this schedule make room for family dinners and interpersonal interaction?
Some of the most important life lessons are taught at home says Dr. Rothman, who cannot emphasize enough the irreplaceable role of family dinners. Teaching moments can unfold naturally or with a parent’s gentle direction.
Dr. Rothman says family interaction teaches children and youth how to manage feelings like anger or sadness off the field or stage. Dr. Rothman likes to use sibling rivalry as an example of conflict resolution and communication at play.
“Lessons children learn in a structured setting may not always generalize or translate to real life or unstructured environments,” says Rothman. “And who better to teach a child than a parent who loves them? Competitive sports or elite training teach many valuable lessons: discipline, teamwork and focus – and that’s playing by the rules. Real life can be very different.”
Is there enough time for sleep and homework?
We are a nation of under sleepers and in many ways that’s because we place a lower value on sleep. So be sure the fall activity schedule makes room for sleep and homework. Strong sleep restores our mood and focus, which is helpful to integrate the learnings of the day. Also, habits established in our youth can extend into adulthood. Remember children and youth need at least 8 hours sleep. At least one hour of screen-less time before scheduled lights out supports restorative sleeps.
What’s the impact of this activity/passion/commitment on other life skills?
“There are many kids who thrive with high programming,” says Dr. Rothman. “They enjoy it, they like to be involved in it. It may not be optimal for them if it comes at the cost of other important life skills like learning to manage emotions, interacting with others, getting enough sleep, giving homework enough attention, family dynamics and free play.”
Dr. Rothman points to competitive young athletes consumed by a passion.
“Balance is important. The teenager can ask themselves ‘what will the impact be if this passion doesn’t turn out to be the focus of my life’? Do I have other interests? Am I capable in other areas of my life?”
Will this schedule leave parents too worn out to enjoy parenting?
“Children will benefit from having at ease parents with time to read together, talk a bit, and to play a game. They will remember those positive experiences forever,” says Dr. Rothman.
“If parents are stressed and rushed the child may experience increased anxiety and pressure regarding the activity,” says Chantal Wiggins-McKinnon, a registered nurse and Program Lead, Child and Youth at Medcan.
Consider arranging a car pool with other parents or choosing activities closer to home to reduce commute time.
“Less is more” allows you to enjoy parenting
If last year’s programming got in the way of non-negotiable life priorities like proper sleep, quality family time and enjoying the everyday moments, those are definitely signs it may be wise to ease up on the structured activities for this coming school year.
Wiggins-McKinnon suggests evaluating at the end of the year with your child what they enjoyed and did not enjoy. Some activities like swimming can be a non-negotiable in some families as it is a necessary safety skill. Wiggins-McKinnon says other activities can be tried for one term and if not enjoyable, it is ok to not enroll again.
“Competition in sport, music, languages or other passions are incredibly commendable and are to be encouraged,” says Dr. Rothman. “Balancing interests and competencies allow the child or teen to have other areas to focus on when an injury happens or a championship doesn’t get reached. When an interest or passion fades, other areas of life will still be there.”
